it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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