my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
