she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
