omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
