I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
