Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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