Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
