I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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