Will you blow on my dice?
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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