Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
