dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
