Umm I'm too high to move.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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