I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Randomize
