Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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