you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
