My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
