PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
they need to just BURY HIM!
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
