Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
