so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
