For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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