So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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