Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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