There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
of course. lets lasso hookers.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
