Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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