Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
