the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
