perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
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