Well douche your snatch and let's go!
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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