I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
