one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Randomize
