The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
