I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
