i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
