my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
