May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
