I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
