I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
