you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
