DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
