the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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