i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
