Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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