are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
