she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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