Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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