We're like a lot better than the average bears
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
