broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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