My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
