My sheets look like a crime scene.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize