Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize