these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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