She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
The beers last night were like the tears from god
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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