good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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