I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize