yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
