my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
