her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
