"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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