So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
two words...techno handjob
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
