he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
