She went from zero to smokin in five shots
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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