I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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