mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Randomize
