Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
