is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
