How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
