Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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