You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
So much rum. So many feels.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
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