Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
smell my finger.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
