bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
