I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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