mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
