so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
