Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
