Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
