I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
you had me at cake vodka
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
