HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
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Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
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Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize