i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
