My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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