I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He? As in you personified your dick?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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