drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
