Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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