Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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