If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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