Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize